Anyway, as I came out the door, full of pride that Daddy was gonna get me a pair of underwear, the look in Mom's eyes stopped me short...and kinda' made my tunny flip flop. "Verna," she said, "you don't know the times your daddy's promised to buy me something only to let me down." She sighed the kind of sigh only a large, tattooed woman with whiskers can. Then, because I didn't know, she proceeded to spend the next 14 hours telling me, in great detail, about every time the old man had "let her down."

I didn't sleep well that night. I tossed and turned. Was Momma right? Would Daddy really let his little girl go without underpants on her 18th birthday?

Verna tossed and turned fitfully, while visions of underpants danced in her head.

On the plus side of the ledger, Cleetus got some jockey shorts when he was 14. "But, that's different," Daddy said, "He's a boy. And, a boy's gotta have underpants!" No question...Daddy's reasoning was solid. On this point, his analysis of the situation left little room for dissent. But. I kept thinking of Momma and her 14 hour list of disappointments. Then, I remembered that Christmas when I was about 10 years old and we was living in a Model A Ford out near the old Wormhaven Wormgardens. Of course, all the worms was long gone. That's why we was able to live in our car out there with almost no one buggin' us. Like I say, it was Christmas and Daddy was supposed to be home to have the holiday dinner with us. Me and Momma had been baking a hen on the radiator of the Model A for two days.

A Chicken can be cooked on the top of a Model A engine. The hard part is keeping the cats at bay.

Daddy never showed.

We ate cold chicken in the dark of the back-seat of the Model A, worrying about Daddy. Of course, it turned out he was fine. He got chilly while he was downtown using his manual dexterity to relieve tourists who was in town for the annual Xmas Worm Parade, of some of their excess money and jewelry. So, he decided, the best way to get warm...and get a good meal...was to get himself thrown in jail. He was there a week. Now, he said he tried to get us all thrown in jail, but the cops wouldn't do it. I don't think Mom really believed him. She was hurt; and always figured he really didn't want us in the hoosgow with him. I don't think she ever quite forgave him for goin' to jail without us.